The Luckiest Girl

I think if someone were to examine my life, they might come to the conclusion that I am very brave indeed.

I run marathons for kicks and I sign up for triathlons when I get bored. I’m going to swim in the Potomac. I live in my own apartment when under the age of 25 and it’s not in a building with a doorman and a security guard. I go on vacation to places like Zimbabwe and Israel (to be fair, Zimbabwe was like 9 years ago, haha). I’ve studied abroad and traveled alone. I’ve gone on safaris and gone snorkeling. I can hear you all now. What a brave and exciting individual. Oh yes, and I ride my bike around the streets of a city.

Well, kind of.

To be honest, I’m not brave at all, which my poor boyfriend got to see last night. After my previous bad experience on the bike, he rode up to meet me to go for a ride with me. First, I whined about the seat (I am still sore). Then I refused to leave the park near my house. I was perfectly content to ride around in circles for an hour or two, but he was convinced that I should go out on the road and get a little bit more experience. Did I whine? Oh yes, I whined and I cried a little and I moped and I said over and over again, “I don’t like this!!!!” very mature, very brave. I was absolutely terrified to go out next to the cars, despite his assurances that the idea was worse than the actual act. I saw images of my head bashed open in the streets of DC and homeless men coming to eat my brains (ok I just added that part now).

But I think the worst part is that my confidence has worn a little thin lately. I’m no longer the cocky girl who said, oh yeah sure, I can do a triathlon. Now I’m seriously doubting my ability to finish this race without crying or breaking down. I’m scared to fail. I really don’t want to fail, but I’m scared that race day will come and I’ll roll over in my bed and say, meh, whatever.

So I was very lucky to have someone with me who a) didn’t yell at me when I cried. B) didn’t pressure me into doing it c) waited until I was ready and d) acted the whole time like he knew I could do it. Here’s the thing – everyone is different. Maybe you need someone who can yell at you. Maybe you need to figure this stuff out alone. I don’t know. But if you can find someone who can figure out how to help you and then just do it because they care…well. I feel pretty lucky right now.