You know how when you ride a horse, they tell you to remain calm no matter what because if a horse can sense that you're nervous, they will become nervous? I'm very much like a horse. I pick up on people's emotional discharges and even if I can hide it, it gets to me in most situations and makes me uncomfortable.
For example, I moved this weekend. I went from one questionable neighborhood in DC, Southeast, to another, U St/Columbia Heights. I didn't realize that the area where my new house is was considered so...urban. It's right next door to the Embassy of Ecuador, so it has to be safe...right?
But I've had a few people tell me that I still have to be careful. I'm not sure if this means that it's actually a dangerous neighborhood or if it means that everyone still sees me as a 12 year old who looks like she just walked out of a bubble. I've been sheltered, sure, but I've learned to fend for myself. In my opinion, I do pretty well. I play it safe and smart. But hearing everyone tell me scary stories doesn't do much to make me feel good. I love my apartment but now I'm leaning towards "terrified of sticking my nose out the door." Which I don't want to do. Once again, I find myself searching for inspiration in my training.
When I first said that I would run a marathon, people told me to be careful. They told me horror stories of how people die in them and I read scary stories about overhydration, dehydration, wronghydration, etc. There were days when I ran and then threw up in my mouth and it was scary. But I made it through and I ran the marathon. So I guess it really is just doing everything one day at a time and trying not to see it as 26 miles but just one mile at a time. One day at a time and I will be ok. I'm not alone, ever. The people who cheer me on when I run are the same people who will hold my hand in the middle of the night when I'm scared, both physically and figuratively. Being afraid because people tell you to be won't help, because ultimately, you'll just end up flying over a cliff like a crazy horse. If people tell me to be scared, then I better be the one who calls it out and says, no. I will not be afraid and I will not live my life on the nervous energy of others.
thank you, that was very therapeutic.
1 comment:
Its more that you moved to an area in Col. Hghts that is going through a serious transition. A number of the 'crews' (gangs in DC) operate out of the projects 15-13th euclid to irving streets.
This makes for a lot of 'action', on the plus side this area has been transitioning for that last 3 years. MPD and councilman grahm are very active given the investment going into the area - Target DC-USA etc.
You have luxary condos to the north and south of you. A million dollar park in the 13th street area etc.
I suggest you swing by a community meeting and meet people that have been living since before the target for some perspective.
That being said, you should be aware of the crews running in that area of the heights.
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