A Bitter Break-Up Letter

Dear Ipod,

From the very start, I have loved you with the best of my ability.  From the first one of you, given to me by my father for Christmas, I have been enthralled by your ability to entertain me.  But our relationship extended so far beyond entertainment - you have been there for me when I was alone on the metro, alone on the train, alone on the street - alone except for the sweet nothings you would whisper in my ear (or yell depending on my mood).  In return, I took you with me whenever I could, filling you with delicious and beautiful songs as often as possible.

I'll admit that we've had our tough times.  There is, of course, the first one of you that I broke almost immediately - ah, young love is so careless.  Wouldn't you agree that I simply didn't know HOW to love you yet when I did that?  But even with your blank and glaring screen, I still managed to keep that broken ipod for a year, listening to my music on endless shuffle mode, never complaining, never angry at you.  Then I received your newer model (we might say you had some plastic surgery, or went on a diet) -  a day of even purer joy!  When I saw that you had my name tattooed on your back, I knew that we were still in this together.

Oh how wrong I was!

I will admit that breaking you again was my fault.  I'm not sure how I bent you, how I broke the microchip heart inside you, but I will never forget the words of the idiot at the Apple "Genius Bar" (remember in better days how we snickered at their incompetence to EVER help me? it didn't seem so funny this time) as he told me that I had destroyed you once again.  Flooded with guilt, I immediately tried to fix you.  I didn't upgrade to a newer version, I didn't try to get more memory space.  I loved you as you were (it's just that I wanted to hear out of both headphones and not just the right one).  So I replaced you and loved you as if you had never changed.

But you did.  Your affection for me was not the same.  For months you tried to hide it, building up resentment and anger towards my carelessness.  And yes, I'll admit that I was careless.  I read books on the metro instead of listening to you.  Communication is so important, but I'm a working girl now, I'm not in school anymore, and let's face it, when I get home, I just want to rest.  Now, I'm not trying to make excuses - I'm just telling it as it is.  But suddenly YOU were the one treating ME poorly.  Shutting off randomly, losing battery time when I had turned you off, halting my Nike + workouts after 25 minutes...you know I can't deal with that kind of drama.  I'm training for a marathon.  I always knew that I'd had to run the marathon without you (it's the rules of the game, not my own!), but I never thought that I'd be able to bear to train without you.  Now you have decided that I must start running alone, that you are tired of my "games" and my antics.

That was your decision Ipod, not mine.  I almost cannot stand to run without you, I need your distracting lyrics, your glowing face...but apparently you don't need me.  So starting this Sunday, a little more than a month to go till the marathon, I will run without your little headphones stuffed in my ears.  My ears and my arm will feel naked without your presence and the emotional turmoil of your dismissal may be detriment to my training.  But I've come to accept that this is for the best.  I don't like it, not one bit.  But perhaps....this is for the best...

Mileage: 15 on Sunday, 6 on Thursday = +21 miles

Total mileage/$ earned: 78 miles, $78

Keeping track...

Just a quick note today (sigh of relief from the peanut gallery)...

I managed to hit the pavement again last night, only going about 5 miles. I did, however, finally find the Harris Teeter on foot! A minor accomplishment. If you ever want to learn a new neighborhood, just go running. If you get lost, you won't be lost long, cause you're RUNNING!!!

Just go in the daytime if it's a questionable neighborhood...

Total mileage/bribe money earned: 57 miles/$57

Sidelined!

I ran 6 miles on Friday, bringing my current total to 52 miles and $52 earned.  Then I took Saturday off, thinking that I might run on Sunday.  Instead, I decided to take a yoga class, the same one that I took the previous Sunday with the awesome instructor.  

Only she wasn't there this time.

Now, I'm not afraid to say that this was the WORST class I've taken at Flow Yoga because everyone else absolutely loved it and asked the sub when she usually teaches - therefore, I know that I'm not bruising anyone's fragile ego.  For me, this was the most painful, the most boring, and the biggest waste of $13 that I've spent in a long time.  I don't know what it was, but I was in pain during the whole class (maybe this should have been my wake up call), with everything from Down Dog to something Sunny Faces (?!?).  I don't know why people do this to themselves out of anything but necessity.  And we had to hold every position for like TWENTY minutes.  Ok...that might be pushing it a little, but it was just endless.

The worst part though, was that almost immediately afterwards, I felt incredibly sick.  I went to church afterwards (note to self: do not return to a Cathedral in yoga pants, you will be underdressed) and couldn't even kneel because I felt so nauseous.  When I went home, all I could handle for dinner was some cereal and that was a huge mistake because that just made me feel worse.  

BUT IT GETS EVEN WORSE.

I woke up the next morning with lower back pain.  I've never had back pain before, in fact, I think I was one of those mean people who scoffed at it as wimpy.  But let me tell you something, nothing is more painful.  Apparently (thank you Dad, for the info), your pain receptor in your brain is right next to your nausea receptor and my pain was so intense that I couldn't even eat 1000 calories on Monday.  I took a nap after work and then went to bed at nine.  I was incredibly overheated.  I had to ice my back.  I had to take painkillers.  I woke up over and over again despite having taken a sleeping aid.  I woke up this morning and felt like you do when you're super sick - my lips had that nasty coating on them that makes you feel gross and my body just HURT everywhere.  I took a shower and my skin ached.  I had to sit down just to blow dry my hair because standing provoked such nausea.

(Ok this sounds really serious, and I swear it's all true, but my mom claims that I am a slight hypochondriac, so it is possible that my mind made this feel worse than it actually was, but that's not the point...the point at this moment is that you should a) be feeling very sorry for me and b) loathe yoga with all your might.)

But to add insult to injury, I've still managed to eat way below my calorie line today, and I'm kind of scared to run.  Putting food into my body only seems to cause more nausea and while the back pain has eased up, I'm nervous about throwing it completely if I push too hard.  So I might have to take another day off tomorrow, which would mean that I've gone almost a week without running, which just really irritates me.  I know that it's good to take time off, but I don't really WANT to take time off.  I feel like I must be gaining weight, which is ridiculous since I'm hardly eating.  I'm exhausted, which is probably also due to not eating, but also because I'm one of those people who has to work out to feel normal.  I just do not go this long without physical activity.  So maybe that's the problem.  Maybe if I run tomorrow morning, I will feel better!

If I can drag my butt out of bed at 5am, I am so testing this.

Friday: 6 miles

Total mileage/bribe money earned: 52 miles/$52

Carnivore...or not

On Monday, I had a fantastic run.  I thought I'd go out for about an hour and just get my blood moving.  I ended up going for 2 hours and about 13 miles, without my fuel belt, without getting winded or sore.  It was fabulous - completely the "runner's high" that you hear about.  Sometimes the runner's high seems like a myth, one of those lies you tell yourself to force yourself to run.  But it really exists and if you can find it, it's one of the best feelings ever.

Then I did a really hard Pilates class on Wednesday - my butt is STILL sore.  

And then 5 more miles this morning with speedwork...

And now more on nutrition.  I have to admit that I'm struggling with nutrition and eating properly.  I'll do okay for a few days and then it all collapses.  You don't realize it all the time, but your body REALLY responds to what you put in it, and I find that I'm an extremely sensitive eater (shocker!  not really, I'm extremely sensitive in general).  I used to be a very picky eater when I was little, and while I've managed to expand my food tastes, food can be very mean to me.  I guess it's revenge.  I'm slightly lactose intolerant (a recent and self-diagnosed discovery) and if I don't eat enough or if I eat too much junk food, my body rebels like a teenager with blue hair.  So you'd think that I'd learn by now to take care of myself...

Today I had meat for lunch and meat for dinner.  I had pork tenderloin (leftovers) for lunch, which I had with roasted vegetables.  That's healthy, hooray!  But then I went out to dinner with a friend to a place we've been meaning to try here in DC, and got burgers and I had a, get ready for this, toasted marshmallow milkshake (not recommended, not getting an endorsement).  Now I just feel gross.  Ugh.  For those of you who didn't know, I was a vegetarian for almost 8 years and I've only eaten meat again for about 2 years now.  I enjoy it, I find that I get a lot more variety into my diet, but I still am not a crazy meat eater.  I don't crave meat.  Some people I know will just CRAVE a steak.  Me, I crave chocolate sometimes and every once in a while I go crazy for bagels, but meat is not something that I ever just scarf down.  It makes me feel heavy and too full.  Don't get me wrong, I certainly enjoy a good quality steak or even a burger.  But I think I've learned, also from eating tacos the other night, that I can't eat red meat before a race.  It upsets my stomach just enough that I don't notice it if I'm not working out, but if I try to run the next morning, I can just feel my stomach mooing.

These are the kinds of things that I'm trying to learn as I approach race day.  What I can and can't eat, whether or not I should stretch, how much I should eat, how early I have to get up before running.  It's an interesting process and kind of hard to monitor...it will be interesting.

New mileage: 18 miles

Total mileage/bribe $ earned: 46/$46