A for Effort? No.

I was reading some previous entries and even nostalgically reading my old blog from when I studied abroad in Spain. In general, I really enjoy blogging because I absolutely love to talk and to share stories and this way it's all consolidated in one place for me. I was always kind of all of the place as a kid. I really, really, really wanted to keep faithful journals like my sister or to be dedicated to a diary like my childhood hero, Anne Frank. But I would buy a journal that I thought was pretty, keep going for about 5 1/2 days, start doodling, forget I had it, buy a new journal 6 months later and then start the process all over again. If I try to read one of them, it makes NO sense at all, particularly because it's almost impossible to ascertain when I was writing because I never found actually put the date on anything. You can occasionally tell if it's Christmas, because I liked to write about getting presents, but in general they are a bleary mess of childish melodrama, shockingly awful sketches, and animal print covers. Yup. Animal print.

So now, I currently have 3 blogs, but this is the only one that I update. I still have the one from Spain and I have my sad attempt at being a personal motivator, TrainerMennone, which died a sad death last year. I have an on again, off again relationship with this blog, with monthes going by without a word, your tears staining your own keyboard (which unfortunately, I cannot see, so that doesn't really bother me) with sorrow and sense of loss.

The thing that's bothering me today is that when I look over the last few entries, I'm not really sharing any valuable information. I'm kind of just a) whining, b) chattering, or c) mumbling. You can even mumble in blogs, those are the entries where it kind of wanders, makes no sense, jumps around, and finally settles with some lame attempt at a pithy, witty end. Have I stopped learning? Do my runs teach me NOTHING anymore? Am I just not running enough? I don't really know the answers to these questions, but I need to decide what I'm getting out of this. Running is not about just going through the motions. I need to feel myself run, understand what it is doing to my body. I want to remind myself of the connection I create with the pavement with each step. How else will I ever run 52.4 miles if I don't take the time to understand what running does to me?

I hate it when people half-ass their way through life. I have to remind myself that everything I'm doing is adding up to something greater. Each day is a part of my whole being and making it worthwhile means making every single moment worthwhile.

Whenever I run a race, my dad says to me, as encouragement I suppose, "Win!" It's less of a cheer than a command and I think that I need to hear it like...every day. It's his way of reminding me to do my best and not float through the race. Taking it to heart, I've decided that I'm not going to float through life. I'm going to take it day by day and WIN every time.