The Lime Green Sneakers of Life

Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, which means that I will inevitably end up dozing off shortly before midnight in a feeble attempt to watch the ball drop in NYC…on TV. I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Eve, nor do I make New Year’s Resolutions (as I already mentioned).

HOWEVER

I have been itching to shake things up for the past few months now. Without school and professors defining the daily activities of my life, without homework and paper writing and marathon training, I’ve found myself bored, lulled into the monotony of a grown-up life, filled with work, gym, food, repeat. (ok it’s really not THAT bad, I do have a boyfriend and a cat and a generally busy social life with incredible friends) but I miss having structure, I miss being bribed to do things like practice the piano or write a paper, promising myself rewards of alternatively more gym time or more food. I miss the far off dream of a marathon. I miss writing papers. I really do. Every day at work, I grow more and more tempted to pick and topic and write a 2 page paper on it.

So I have decided that I have to fix this rut I’ve gotten into, I have to remind myself that there is more to life than a job and that I have to maintain a balance of academia (sounds like macadamia) and fun and running and responsibility. I’m tired of not being organized, of leaving clean clothes in my basket for 2 weeks while I try to make time to fold them. I’m tired of leaving books scattered around my house. Gosh darn it, I’m going to buy a book shelf.

When I mentioned to my mom the other day that I was missing inspiration to run, she returned home from work with a pair of lime green Nike sneakers. She told me they were to inspire me and to get me back on track. And you know what? They have. I absolutely love these green sneakers, they are bright and energetic and they will, I believe, inspire a return to the pavement. So I think I just have to find lime green sneakers in everything. In my desire to study, in my desire to be more active…when I am seeking organization in my life, I will have to pick up something small to remind me that yes, it is important, because I have added value to it. In my job, in my daily routine, in the goals I am creating for myself for 2009, I will have to seek out my lime green sneakers in all that I do.

I think I better go buy some bright colored pumps to maintain this in the business world…

Whoever said that running was just running has never really ran.

Baby, it's cold outside!!!!

It’s cold outside. Today it was 17 degrees, and felt like 1, when I left for work in the morning. Needless to say, I’m not jumping up at 5am, when it’s pitch black and there’s penguins running around outside, to go running. Nor am I coming home from work at 6pm or later, and throwing on my spandex to do a loop around the park – nope, that’s when the polar bears are out. I managed to do the Jingle all the Way 10k (in 54 minutes, I might add), which was a lot of fun, but still…COLD. And the winter solstice was only yesterday! What to do as winter threatens me with imminent hibernation?

The truth is, I must return to the gym. I have to buy a new gym bag that will hold all my crap and fill it with shoes, a towel, shampoo, a hairdryer (excessive? Perhaps) and convince myself that going to the gym 4 times a week in the morning or after work will ultimately make me feel better, not just physically, but also mentally, considering I’m paying $40 a month to have a membership card. With no picture on it. I know. If I’m paying $40, it should AT LEAST have an ugly “before” picture on it to motivate me.

But the truth is, I haven’t been motivated. I’m in a slump. I feel my muscles deteriorating, oozing from my body. I no longer feel a constant soreness, which had become the norm for my body all summer/fall. So I finally decided to bring it back at the gym yesterday, but doing about 50 squats, followed by 30 lunges, 20 more squats, 30 more lunges, and about 2 minutes of wall sits. At first, as I did the squats, I worried that I had lost the ability to feel that searing pain that comes with leg exercises – oh no, don’t worry, I haven’t, and I feel it today and I run around the city. I guess now would be the time to do some serious work with free weights and give yoga another shot (shudder…shudder…). Now I just have to find a way to convince myself to do this. The holidays certainly don’t help, since all I’ve been doing is eating. This is quite a rant here. But then again, that’s what this blog is for. So that no one has to here this on the phone or in person (although some people inevitably will). I must find a way to get back on track.

I could go the whole New Year’s Resolution route and tell myself that it’s my job for the new year, to be fit and fun. Except I decided a long time ago that resolutions are BS and I usually go less than 24 hours before I break them, even if just for the sake of irony. I have to find something to work for, or maybe find a new sport or work out. That’s what Shapeselfcosmofitnessrunnersworld magazine said. Vary your workouts and you will continue doing them!

A Marathon Runner...and Blog Slacker

Well...it's been ummm close to 2 months since I transitioned from "marathoner-in-training" to "marathoner!". And umm even longer since I provided you with reading material. So while I had a successful marathon, I still feel a twinge of failure as I think of you, my poor readers, coming here daily in search of my wit, my humor, hungry for the constant joy that I once provided for your lives and leaving unfulfilled.

Fear not, I have returned.

Yes my friends, I did complete the 2008 Marine Corps Marathon, held this year on October 26. Although I did not reach my lofty goal of 4 hours, I did manage the run the entire race (run used loosely here, as the final miles could hardly be considered more than a trot) and finished in 4:23:00. Not a bad first time I'd say. The experience in general far exceeded my expectations, largely because of the people who were there that day. Of course, the MCM is known as the People's Marathon, in part because it's in Washington, DC and partly because the crowd is absolutely fantastic. There was only one part of the race where there weren't people hooting, hollering, cheering, ringing cowbells, waving signs, handing out food and vaseline (which I ALMOST mistook for gu and ate), and consistently providing a reminder that a) those of us running were, in fact, crazy and b) they loved us for it. There were two extremely important people in that crowd (well 3 actually, now that I think of it), and mother and boyfriend endured a test of a different kind as they hunted me down throughout the race and were forced to become extremely chummy after having met only once before at the chaos of my sister's beautiful wedding only a month before. Throughout the whole race, knowing that I was going to see them, with the signs my mom made, propelled me to go a little faster, to keep my head up and not look at the ground and to make it to the finish line so that they could give me the water bottle I had so stubbornly refused to carry with me. My mom arrived the night before, making me spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and getting up at 5:30am with me to make it to the start line about an hour earlier than we had to. Then of course, my friend Ryan, who I was kind of running for, because after all, he is in the seminary, kept a watchful eye out for me at mile 14, making sure the whole world knew how awesome I was! He also found my crew afterwards at Chipotle, where mom and boyfriend forced me to sit down and eat a burrito. You know, after you run 26 miles (+.2), you're really not hungry. You kind of just want to sleep. So it took me about an hour to eat the burrito, which granted, they are huge burritos, but to be realllllly honest I can usually inhale them in a good 15-20 minutes. Chewing has never required such diligence.

To be really honest, the entire marathon is kind of a blur. It was incredibly fun, I've already blocked out any pain I felt - it's kind of like having a baby (I imagine) - really, really painful at the time, but so worth it at the end. Mile 22 was the real killer - over the bridge to Crystal City. No cheer squad, people were dropping like flies on the pavement, and we had been taunted at the beginning with promises of "water at the end of the bridge!" when they failed to mention that the bridge was the longest bridge in the world. Or it seemed that way anyway. I almost cried at mile 25 when I saw a girl with a shirt that said "My sister has MS. I'm running this race for her." When I saw her again at the finish line, I told her how her shirt touched me...she replied that her sister had died 2 years ago and she needed a new shirt....funny, the memories I have.

So now I have run a marathon, what now? After taking the required 4 weeks off, I'm in miserable shape, starting to imagine what you all must have felt when I said I would do one, because I certainly couldn't do one any time soon. What I must do now is find a new challenge, a new goal to propel myself along. Since sky-diving is out of the question (bad vision, torn retinas = blind), I'm considering a triathalon. You know. If I can learn to swim beyond the doggie paddle.

Ideas? Challenges? Congratulatory flowers? I can give you my address.

A Bitter Break-Up Letter

Dear Ipod,

From the very start, I have loved you with the best of my ability.  From the first one of you, given to me by my father for Christmas, I have been enthralled by your ability to entertain me.  But our relationship extended so far beyond entertainment - you have been there for me when I was alone on the metro, alone on the train, alone on the street - alone except for the sweet nothings you would whisper in my ear (or yell depending on my mood).  In return, I took you with me whenever I could, filling you with delicious and beautiful songs as often as possible.

I'll admit that we've had our tough times.  There is, of course, the first one of you that I broke almost immediately - ah, young love is so careless.  Wouldn't you agree that I simply didn't know HOW to love you yet when I did that?  But even with your blank and glaring screen, I still managed to keep that broken ipod for a year, listening to my music on endless shuffle mode, never complaining, never angry at you.  Then I received your newer model (we might say you had some plastic surgery, or went on a diet) -  a day of even purer joy!  When I saw that you had my name tattooed on your back, I knew that we were still in this together.

Oh how wrong I was!

I will admit that breaking you again was my fault.  I'm not sure how I bent you, how I broke the microchip heart inside you, but I will never forget the words of the idiot at the Apple "Genius Bar" (remember in better days how we snickered at their incompetence to EVER help me? it didn't seem so funny this time) as he told me that I had destroyed you once again.  Flooded with guilt, I immediately tried to fix you.  I didn't upgrade to a newer version, I didn't try to get more memory space.  I loved you as you were (it's just that I wanted to hear out of both headphones and not just the right one).  So I replaced you and loved you as if you had never changed.

But you did.  Your affection for me was not the same.  For months you tried to hide it, building up resentment and anger towards my carelessness.  And yes, I'll admit that I was careless.  I read books on the metro instead of listening to you.  Communication is so important, but I'm a working girl now, I'm not in school anymore, and let's face it, when I get home, I just want to rest.  Now, I'm not trying to make excuses - I'm just telling it as it is.  But suddenly YOU were the one treating ME poorly.  Shutting off randomly, losing battery time when I had turned you off, halting my Nike + workouts after 25 minutes...you know I can't deal with that kind of drama.  I'm training for a marathon.  I always knew that I'd had to run the marathon without you (it's the rules of the game, not my own!), but I never thought that I'd be able to bear to train without you.  Now you have decided that I must start running alone, that you are tired of my "games" and my antics.

That was your decision Ipod, not mine.  I almost cannot stand to run without you, I need your distracting lyrics, your glowing face...but apparently you don't need me.  So starting this Sunday, a little more than a month to go till the marathon, I will run without your little headphones stuffed in my ears.  My ears and my arm will feel naked without your presence and the emotional turmoil of your dismissal may be detriment to my training.  But I've come to accept that this is for the best.  I don't like it, not one bit.  But perhaps....this is for the best...

Mileage: 15 on Sunday, 6 on Thursday = +21 miles

Total mileage/$ earned: 78 miles, $78

Keeping track...

Just a quick note today (sigh of relief from the peanut gallery)...

I managed to hit the pavement again last night, only going about 5 miles. I did, however, finally find the Harris Teeter on foot! A minor accomplishment. If you ever want to learn a new neighborhood, just go running. If you get lost, you won't be lost long, cause you're RUNNING!!!

Just go in the daytime if it's a questionable neighborhood...

Total mileage/bribe money earned: 57 miles/$57

Sidelined!

I ran 6 miles on Friday, bringing my current total to 52 miles and $52 earned.  Then I took Saturday off, thinking that I might run on Sunday.  Instead, I decided to take a yoga class, the same one that I took the previous Sunday with the awesome instructor.  

Only she wasn't there this time.

Now, I'm not afraid to say that this was the WORST class I've taken at Flow Yoga because everyone else absolutely loved it and asked the sub when she usually teaches - therefore, I know that I'm not bruising anyone's fragile ego.  For me, this was the most painful, the most boring, and the biggest waste of $13 that I've spent in a long time.  I don't know what it was, but I was in pain during the whole class (maybe this should have been my wake up call), with everything from Down Dog to something Sunny Faces (?!?).  I don't know why people do this to themselves out of anything but necessity.  And we had to hold every position for like TWENTY minutes.  Ok...that might be pushing it a little, but it was just endless.

The worst part though, was that almost immediately afterwards, I felt incredibly sick.  I went to church afterwards (note to self: do not return to a Cathedral in yoga pants, you will be underdressed) and couldn't even kneel because I felt so nauseous.  When I went home, all I could handle for dinner was some cereal and that was a huge mistake because that just made me feel worse.  

BUT IT GETS EVEN WORSE.

I woke up the next morning with lower back pain.  I've never had back pain before, in fact, I think I was one of those mean people who scoffed at it as wimpy.  But let me tell you something, nothing is more painful.  Apparently (thank you Dad, for the info), your pain receptor in your brain is right next to your nausea receptor and my pain was so intense that I couldn't even eat 1000 calories on Monday.  I took a nap after work and then went to bed at nine.  I was incredibly overheated.  I had to ice my back.  I had to take painkillers.  I woke up over and over again despite having taken a sleeping aid.  I woke up this morning and felt like you do when you're super sick - my lips had that nasty coating on them that makes you feel gross and my body just HURT everywhere.  I took a shower and my skin ached.  I had to sit down just to blow dry my hair because standing provoked such nausea.

(Ok this sounds really serious, and I swear it's all true, but my mom claims that I am a slight hypochondriac, so it is possible that my mind made this feel worse than it actually was, but that's not the point...the point at this moment is that you should a) be feeling very sorry for me and b) loathe yoga with all your might.)

But to add insult to injury, I've still managed to eat way below my calorie line today, and I'm kind of scared to run.  Putting food into my body only seems to cause more nausea and while the back pain has eased up, I'm nervous about throwing it completely if I push too hard.  So I might have to take another day off tomorrow, which would mean that I've gone almost a week without running, which just really irritates me.  I know that it's good to take time off, but I don't really WANT to take time off.  I feel like I must be gaining weight, which is ridiculous since I'm hardly eating.  I'm exhausted, which is probably also due to not eating, but also because I'm one of those people who has to work out to feel normal.  I just do not go this long without physical activity.  So maybe that's the problem.  Maybe if I run tomorrow morning, I will feel better!

If I can drag my butt out of bed at 5am, I am so testing this.

Friday: 6 miles

Total mileage/bribe money earned: 52 miles/$52

Carnivore...or not

On Monday, I had a fantastic run.  I thought I'd go out for about an hour and just get my blood moving.  I ended up going for 2 hours and about 13 miles, without my fuel belt, without getting winded or sore.  It was fabulous - completely the "runner's high" that you hear about.  Sometimes the runner's high seems like a myth, one of those lies you tell yourself to force yourself to run.  But it really exists and if you can find it, it's one of the best feelings ever.

Then I did a really hard Pilates class on Wednesday - my butt is STILL sore.  

And then 5 more miles this morning with speedwork...

And now more on nutrition.  I have to admit that I'm struggling with nutrition and eating properly.  I'll do okay for a few days and then it all collapses.  You don't realize it all the time, but your body REALLY responds to what you put in it, and I find that I'm an extremely sensitive eater (shocker!  not really, I'm extremely sensitive in general).  I used to be a very picky eater when I was little, and while I've managed to expand my food tastes, food can be very mean to me.  I guess it's revenge.  I'm slightly lactose intolerant (a recent and self-diagnosed discovery) and if I don't eat enough or if I eat too much junk food, my body rebels like a teenager with blue hair.  So you'd think that I'd learn by now to take care of myself...

Today I had meat for lunch and meat for dinner.  I had pork tenderloin (leftovers) for lunch, which I had with roasted vegetables.  That's healthy, hooray!  But then I went out to dinner with a friend to a place we've been meaning to try here in DC, and got burgers and I had a, get ready for this, toasted marshmallow milkshake (not recommended, not getting an endorsement).  Now I just feel gross.  Ugh.  For those of you who didn't know, I was a vegetarian for almost 8 years and I've only eaten meat again for about 2 years now.  I enjoy it, I find that I get a lot more variety into my diet, but I still am not a crazy meat eater.  I don't crave meat.  Some people I know will just CRAVE a steak.  Me, I crave chocolate sometimes and every once in a while I go crazy for bagels, but meat is not something that I ever just scarf down.  It makes me feel heavy and too full.  Don't get me wrong, I certainly enjoy a good quality steak or even a burger.  But I think I've learned, also from eating tacos the other night, that I can't eat red meat before a race.  It upsets my stomach just enough that I don't notice it if I'm not working out, but if I try to run the next morning, I can just feel my stomach mooing.

These are the kinds of things that I'm trying to learn as I approach race day.  What I can and can't eat, whether or not I should stretch, how much I should eat, how early I have to get up before running.  It's an interesting process and kind of hard to monitor...it will be interesting.

New mileage: 18 miles

Total mileage/bribe $ earned: 46/$46