It seems like my triathlon was already a long time ago. If you just read my last post, you never would think that I did one. I expected it to kind of be this life changing event. And while I do think that I learned a lot from it, I think that like every "life event," the lessons are just added to the ball of knowledge that you've been accumulating since birth.
It will make a good essay in case I ever apply to grad school though.
Now, it is time for the Nike Women's Marathon! In only 19 days, I will be in lovely California! Running a marathon! To get a Tiffany's necklace! OMG I AM SO EXCITED! I'm trying not to think too much about it, since I will stress myself out if I do. Basically, I know that I can finish it. I'm aware that it will be painful and that my training for this was not as good as for the one I did last year. But I've also decided that this one is for fun.
I might already be planning for next year. I want to do one of the Big 5: Berlin, Boston, Chicago, London and New York City. At least one. It would be fun to do all in one year, wouldn't it? Too bad I have to qualify for most of them...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
An Exciting Morning in the Yoga Studio
Last night, I was trying to figure out a workout schedule for this week. I figured I might as well log onto some of the yoga studios I’ve been to so that I could try to sign up for a morning class, since my office location has a shower on site (very important as I try not to stink on a regular basis). I logged into Flow Yoga to check out their schedule and saw there was a Pilates class at 7am…and I realized that I recognized the name of the girl teaching.
She was an instructor at GW when I was there, and I took Pilates with her my junior year. She was teaching a 7am cardio class first semester of my senior year and, being overly enthusiastic after her Pilates class, I signed up. This was spring of my junior year. Summer passed and I started my senior year of college. And realized that a 7am cardio conditioning class twice a week was maybe not exactly a typical thing to sign up for. Naturally, I skipped the first class, planning on dropping it. She remembered my name and email, and proceeded to email me and tell me that she hoped I’d be there the next class.
I never missed another one.
I was SO EXCITED to go this morning. This girl is just so energetic and cheerful without being annoying. She is one of those rare people who can push you without making you go insane. She understands that some days you’re just not on.
I arrived early and was one of the first few students in class. I was sitting there, trying to restrain myself, since I wanted to tell everyone who came in how excited I was.
This probably sounds really creepy…but it’s just amazing how someone can affect your workout. When someone is leading a class, they need to have the energy and the passion to reach out to everyone, but the intelligence and people smarts to back off when their input isn’t wanted. I’ve been to too many boring classes and had to listen to too many weird instructors.
So anyway, I’m sitting in this class, just SO EXCITED to go. It was a great class. She always has AWESOME music too. Then in the middle of the class, she came over, looked me right in the eye and said, “you were in my cardio conditioning class at GW, weren’t you!?” OMG I WAS SO EXCITED. It was like a celebrity recognized me! AND she remembered my name.
Ok, so now I’m seriously thinking about buying a big pass to Flow again. I just really like having an instructor that I could go to on a regular basis and already know. I’ve always been jealous of the people who know the instructors and NOW I AM ONE OF THEM.
She was an instructor at GW when I was there, and I took Pilates with her my junior year. She was teaching a 7am cardio class first semester of my senior year and, being overly enthusiastic after her Pilates class, I signed up. This was spring of my junior year. Summer passed and I started my senior year of college. And realized that a 7am cardio conditioning class twice a week was maybe not exactly a typical thing to sign up for. Naturally, I skipped the first class, planning on dropping it. She remembered my name and email, and proceeded to email me and tell me that she hoped I’d be there the next class.
I never missed another one.
I was SO EXCITED to go this morning. This girl is just so energetic and cheerful without being annoying. She is one of those rare people who can push you without making you go insane. She understands that some days you’re just not on.
I arrived early and was one of the first few students in class. I was sitting there, trying to restrain myself, since I wanted to tell everyone who came in how excited I was.
This probably sounds really creepy…but it’s just amazing how someone can affect your workout. When someone is leading a class, they need to have the energy and the passion to reach out to everyone, but the intelligence and people smarts to back off when their input isn’t wanted. I’ve been to too many boring classes and had to listen to too many weird instructors.
So anyway, I’m sitting in this class, just SO EXCITED to go. It was a great class. She always has AWESOME music too. Then in the middle of the class, she came over, looked me right in the eye and said, “you were in my cardio conditioning class at GW, weren’t you!?” OMG I WAS SO EXCITED. It was like a celebrity recognized me! AND she remembered my name.
Ok, so now I’m seriously thinking about buying a big pass to Flow again. I just really like having an instructor that I could go to on a regular basis and already know. I’ve always been jealous of the people who know the instructors and NOW I AM ONE OF THEM.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Triathlete
It's really hard for me to blog about this. I'm trying so hard to put the right words into this to convey how yesterday went. I've never had trouble with this before - I just write what I think.
The triathlon was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I thought it wouldn't be that bad. In some ways, I was right. My body, although sore, isn't feeling quite as punished as after the marathon. Everyone said that I was in a better mood yesterday than after the marathon. In some ways, it was less physically challenging. But in many ways, it was much, much worse.
The weekend started on Friday, with a race orientation. I felt strong during that, although I was noticing that everyone was VERY hard core. It's not like running, where people can kind of just sign up on a whim. I've noticed that most people, unlike me, do not just sign up for a triathlon on a whim. Most people are very, very dedicated to it. But I still wasn't too concerned and I left feeling confident.
On Saturday, I took my bike down to the transition area. Wow...there were a LOT of bike racks!!! I was in row 41 and there were a lot of women my age in my area. I managed to deflate my back tire and finally had to ask someone for help. Yeah...it's true. I still have trouble with my tires, haha. The girl who helped me said that last year she had talked to a girl who didn't know how to pump air into her tires and laughed...I failed to admit that I was in the same spot. Silly pride!
Later, my parents arrived in DC and we went over to my friend's house for dinner. My friend Emily and I cooked for my parents and our boyfriends and we had a really nice dinner. I was completely distracted and relaxed - I have awesome friends and family :) I felt really lucky to be able to be with them the night before the race.
Race day arrived quickly. All of the sudden it was 4:45 am and I was awake and drinking coffee. I had my bag packed and ready and at 5:30 my parents picked me up and drove me down to the transition area. I was feeling pretty hard core as I walked in with all the other athletes. I went over to my transition area and waited. I set up my transition towel with my shoes, helmet, sunglasses, race belt...a girl came over and told me that the mechanics on duty would pump air into your tires FOR YOU, so naturally I ran my bike over. He mentioned that my tires were pretty low...I said it must have lost a lot of air, haha.
I put on some body glide and put my wetsuit on to my waist. We were herded out of the transition area at 7am and into the swim pen. Even now as I write this I am becoming apprehensive! What will happen to our young heroine?
Time flew as I waited with everyone for my swim wave to be called. The elite group did the swim in under a half hour - insanity!! We watched them jealously as they came back in to their bikes. I kept telling myself that it would be me soon...but I almost didn't believe it. As we slowly lined up, my dad appeared on the sidelines! I was so happy to see him. He told me my mom was closer to the water and they both cheered me on as I approached the water.
I was high on adrenaline or SOMETHING, because I tried very hard to be excited and not nervous. But as soon as they let us jump in the water, I felt my ego deflate. I could see NOTHING as soon as my head was submerged. Nothing. Just a murky, scary mess. They told us to get ready, to GO! And we were off!
IMMEDIATELY, I started to hyperventilate. Not enough that I couldn't move but enough to make scary gasping sounds. I wasn't scared of drowning, I knew the strokes but I couldn't move. I don't really know why it was so hard. It was completely psychological. I slowly, painfully made my way forward. I won't lie to you dear readers, I barely put my head under the entire time. When I did, it made breathing that much more difficult. I knew that if I got under the Memorial Bridge, I might see my boyfriend and friends. But I was just in a complete blind panic. The bridge I knew was pretty far, so by the time I got there, I was tired and still gasping for my strength. I FINALLY found a kayak to hold onto at a buoy.
USA Triathlon official rules state that you can hold onto a kayak as long as they don't move you forward. I tried earlier to find one but couldn't find one that wouldn't take me far off the course. Honestly, if I had found one earlier, I think I would have told him to take me in. I was petrified, I'm not going to lie. Before I even got to the bridge, I just wanted them to take me out. It was only thinking about all the people who had come to see me, all the people I had bragged to, whined to, that kept me going. At the time, I was doing it for them, not for myself.
At this first kayak, he told me the next buoy, actually visible, was the halfway point. But other than that he didn't really talk much. I finally pulled myself together and with a few hail Mary's, made my way to the next buoy. There was another kayak there and I flagged him down. This guy was much more talkative. I asked him if I was more than halfway. I searched for confirmation that there was an end in site. I told him that I didn't know if I could do it. He asked me if I wanted water, then told me that I was fine. That I would finish. He told me, don't worry, you'll finish.
This man saved me. He saved me and I wish that I could thank him for it. He saved my race. The rest of the way, as I pushed forward, I just remembered that he believed in me, this stranger who I never met, believed in me. If he said I would finish, I would finish. I didn't hold onto another kayak the whole time - I just pushed forward. It wasn't easy, it never got easy. But I knew that I was going to finish.
When I saw the final turn, I knew I would continue.
An interesting side note...I read online that it's easier to just pee into your wetsuit than to find a portapotty. so I figured at the beginning of the swim that I would just do that in the water. But I was too scared the whole time to even pee!! But as I ran out of the water, I knew that I would not make it through the bike ride unless I peed. But I didn't want to stop at a port-a-potty, ESPECIALLY since I was barefoot. So I made an unfortunate decision. As I arrived at my bike, I stood there and peed into my wetsuit. Yep. I peed myself. You make interesting choices during a race like this. I have never done that in any running race, but then again, you don't wear a wetsuit in a marathon.
Then I yanked off my wetsuit and pulled on my cycling shoes. As I tried to run with my bike to the point where I could mount, I saw my friends and family all together, cheering me on! It pumped me up and I was off!
The cycling really wasn't that bad. I think I approached it too recreationally and didn't really push myself as hard as maybe I could have. But honestly, I wanted it to be a little enjoyable. But it seemed to go quickly. I realized that I was pretty far at the end of the pack. Being in one of the last swim waves and being REALLY slow in it didn't help at all. I passed a lot of people on the bike, but by this point I didn't care about time. I just wanted to finish. I saw a woman who was seriously injured at the beginning and a bunch of people who had technical problems with their bikes - flats, broken chains, one woman whose pedal had come off..I knew I was lucky.
By the end of the cycling part, I tried to run my bike in. I was pretty bow-legged. I saw my cheer group again and was cheered up! I knew that this was my time - it was the run!!! But my legs were so sore! I wasn't really anticipating it to be as bad as it was. This transition was quicker and I made it out to the run. A LOT of people were walking it. It was painful for the first few miles, then it kind of evened out. I was really excited to be in my comfort zone.
The run was pretty easy - only 6 miles. I was feeling pretty good for most of it. Near the end my mom found me and ran with me for a little bit! It's amazing how much someone can boost your spirits. Having my mom and my dad and my friends there just changed the race for me. It made it more than just about me. I was doing it for them too. I wanted to be faster so I could see them again.
At the end, there they were, cheering and high fiving me! It was the best to see them there! I got my medal and handed back my race chip and immediately went off to find them.
And now, it's over. It's done. I've done it. Several times during the race I had to remind myself that this was it! This was my race! It was what I'd been waiting for! But at the time it was just so important to focus on what I was doing. And now it's over and I'm convinced that I will never do one again. Never again will I put myself through such torture! IronMan tattoo be damned! Who needs it!?
Well...at least...that's what I say now.
But in reality, I'm proud. It was the challenge I was looking for and instead of quitting I finished. I never could have done it without everyone's support - everyone was out there with me during it in my head. But in the end, I had to buckle down and finish it with my own body, my own strength, and my own commitment.
And now it's over. There's a reason why my blog is called MarathonMennone and not TriathlonMennone. It's back to the marathons for me!
The triathlon was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I thought it wouldn't be that bad. In some ways, I was right. My body, although sore, isn't feeling quite as punished as after the marathon. Everyone said that I was in a better mood yesterday than after the marathon. In some ways, it was less physically challenging. But in many ways, it was much, much worse.
The weekend started on Friday, with a race orientation. I felt strong during that, although I was noticing that everyone was VERY hard core. It's not like running, where people can kind of just sign up on a whim. I've noticed that most people, unlike me, do not just sign up for a triathlon on a whim. Most people are very, very dedicated to it. But I still wasn't too concerned and I left feeling confident.
On Saturday, I took my bike down to the transition area. Wow...there were a LOT of bike racks!!! I was in row 41 and there were a lot of women my age in my area. I managed to deflate my back tire and finally had to ask someone for help. Yeah...it's true. I still have trouble with my tires, haha. The girl who helped me said that last year she had talked to a girl who didn't know how to pump air into her tires and laughed...I failed to admit that I was in the same spot. Silly pride!
Later, my parents arrived in DC and we went over to my friend's house for dinner. My friend Emily and I cooked for my parents and our boyfriends and we had a really nice dinner. I was completely distracted and relaxed - I have awesome friends and family :) I felt really lucky to be able to be with them the night before the race.
Race day arrived quickly. All of the sudden it was 4:45 am and I was awake and drinking coffee. I had my bag packed and ready and at 5:30 my parents picked me up and drove me down to the transition area. I was feeling pretty hard core as I walked in with all the other athletes. I went over to my transition area and waited. I set up my transition towel with my shoes, helmet, sunglasses, race belt...a girl came over and told me that the mechanics on duty would pump air into your tires FOR YOU, so naturally I ran my bike over. He mentioned that my tires were pretty low...I said it must have lost a lot of air, haha.
I put on some body glide and put my wetsuit on to my waist. We were herded out of the transition area at 7am and into the swim pen. Even now as I write this I am becoming apprehensive! What will happen to our young heroine?
Time flew as I waited with everyone for my swim wave to be called. The elite group did the swim in under a half hour - insanity!! We watched them jealously as they came back in to their bikes. I kept telling myself that it would be me soon...but I almost didn't believe it. As we slowly lined up, my dad appeared on the sidelines! I was so happy to see him. He told me my mom was closer to the water and they both cheered me on as I approached the water.
I was high on adrenaline or SOMETHING, because I tried very hard to be excited and not nervous. But as soon as they let us jump in the water, I felt my ego deflate. I could see NOTHING as soon as my head was submerged. Nothing. Just a murky, scary mess. They told us to get ready, to GO! And we were off!
IMMEDIATELY, I started to hyperventilate. Not enough that I couldn't move but enough to make scary gasping sounds. I wasn't scared of drowning, I knew the strokes but I couldn't move. I don't really know why it was so hard. It was completely psychological. I slowly, painfully made my way forward. I won't lie to you dear readers, I barely put my head under the entire time. When I did, it made breathing that much more difficult. I knew that if I got under the Memorial Bridge, I might see my boyfriend and friends. But I was just in a complete blind panic. The bridge I knew was pretty far, so by the time I got there, I was tired and still gasping for my strength. I FINALLY found a kayak to hold onto at a buoy.
USA Triathlon official rules state that you can hold onto a kayak as long as they don't move you forward. I tried earlier to find one but couldn't find one that wouldn't take me far off the course. Honestly, if I had found one earlier, I think I would have told him to take me in. I was petrified, I'm not going to lie. Before I even got to the bridge, I just wanted them to take me out. It was only thinking about all the people who had come to see me, all the people I had bragged to, whined to, that kept me going. At the time, I was doing it for them, not for myself.
At this first kayak, he told me the next buoy, actually visible, was the halfway point. But other than that he didn't really talk much. I finally pulled myself together and with a few hail Mary's, made my way to the next buoy. There was another kayak there and I flagged him down. This guy was much more talkative. I asked him if I was more than halfway. I searched for confirmation that there was an end in site. I told him that I didn't know if I could do it. He asked me if I wanted water, then told me that I was fine. That I would finish. He told me, don't worry, you'll finish.
This man saved me. He saved me and I wish that I could thank him for it. He saved my race. The rest of the way, as I pushed forward, I just remembered that he believed in me, this stranger who I never met, believed in me. If he said I would finish, I would finish. I didn't hold onto another kayak the whole time - I just pushed forward. It wasn't easy, it never got easy. But I knew that I was going to finish.
When I saw the final turn, I knew I would continue.
An interesting side note...I read online that it's easier to just pee into your wetsuit than to find a portapotty. so I figured at the beginning of the swim that I would just do that in the water. But I was too scared the whole time to even pee!! But as I ran out of the water, I knew that I would not make it through the bike ride unless I peed. But I didn't want to stop at a port-a-potty, ESPECIALLY since I was barefoot. So I made an unfortunate decision. As I arrived at my bike, I stood there and peed into my wetsuit. Yep. I peed myself. You make interesting choices during a race like this. I have never done that in any running race, but then again, you don't wear a wetsuit in a marathon.
Then I yanked off my wetsuit and pulled on my cycling shoes. As I tried to run with my bike to the point where I could mount, I saw my friends and family all together, cheering me on! It pumped me up and I was off!
The cycling really wasn't that bad. I think I approached it too recreationally and didn't really push myself as hard as maybe I could have. But honestly, I wanted it to be a little enjoyable. But it seemed to go quickly. I realized that I was pretty far at the end of the pack. Being in one of the last swim waves and being REALLY slow in it didn't help at all. I passed a lot of people on the bike, but by this point I didn't care about time. I just wanted to finish. I saw a woman who was seriously injured at the beginning and a bunch of people who had technical problems with their bikes - flats, broken chains, one woman whose pedal had come off..I knew I was lucky.
By the end of the cycling part, I tried to run my bike in. I was pretty bow-legged. I saw my cheer group again and was cheered up! I knew that this was my time - it was the run!!! But my legs were so sore! I wasn't really anticipating it to be as bad as it was. This transition was quicker and I made it out to the run. A LOT of people were walking it. It was painful for the first few miles, then it kind of evened out. I was really excited to be in my comfort zone.
The run was pretty easy - only 6 miles. I was feeling pretty good for most of it. Near the end my mom found me and ran with me for a little bit! It's amazing how much someone can boost your spirits. Having my mom and my dad and my friends there just changed the race for me. It made it more than just about me. I was doing it for them too. I wanted to be faster so I could see them again.
At the end, there they were, cheering and high fiving me! It was the best to see them there! I got my medal and handed back my race chip and immediately went off to find them.
And now, it's over. It's done. I've done it. Several times during the race I had to remind myself that this was it! This was my race! It was what I'd been waiting for! But at the time it was just so important to focus on what I was doing. And now it's over and I'm convinced that I will never do one again. Never again will I put myself through such torture! IronMan tattoo be damned! Who needs it!?
Well...at least...that's what I say now.
But in reality, I'm proud. It was the challenge I was looking for and instead of quitting I finished. I never could have done it without everyone's support - everyone was out there with me during it in my head. But in the end, I had to buckle down and finish it with my own body, my own strength, and my own commitment.
And now it's over. There's a reason why my blog is called MarathonMennone and not TriathlonMennone. It's back to the marathons for me!
Friday, September 11, 2009
1 day, 15 hours to go
How did it go from 12 days to 1?
Tomorrow, I will be eating dinner with friends and family. And in a little more than 39 hours, I will be in the Potomac. And in a little less than 45 hours, I will be a triathlete.
Wow. Feeling a little overwhelmed. I haven't really been sleeping well since I'm starting to get pretty nervous. Today I have to go to my race orientation and get my number and my packet. They have a half hour mandatory information session. The whole thing is really intense and professional. It makes me feel like an Olympic athlete! And why shouldn't I, it is an Olympic sized tri! (never mind that I am not actually an Olympic athlete).
I probably won't post until it's over, so I really just want to say thank you to everyone who's offered their support over the last few months and days. I'm really touched by everyone's encouragement and that is seriously what will keep me going through this race. I know that I am very lucky to have people who will come out and cheer me on!! It means so much to me just to have someone remember that I'm doing this. So thank you thank you thank you!
You like me, you really like me!!!! (CLICHE!)
Tomorrow, I will be eating dinner with friends and family. And in a little more than 39 hours, I will be in the Potomac. And in a little less than 45 hours, I will be a triathlete.
Wow. Feeling a little overwhelmed. I haven't really been sleeping well since I'm starting to get pretty nervous. Today I have to go to my race orientation and get my number and my packet. They have a half hour mandatory information session. The whole thing is really intense and professional. It makes me feel like an Olympic athlete! And why shouldn't I, it is an Olympic sized tri! (never mind that I am not actually an Olympic athlete).
I probably won't post until it's over, so I really just want to say thank you to everyone who's offered their support over the last few months and days. I'm really touched by everyone's encouragement and that is seriously what will keep me going through this race. I know that I am very lucky to have people who will come out and cheer me on!! It means so much to me just to have someone remember that I'm doing this. So thank you thank you thank you!
You like me, you really like me!!!! (CLICHE!)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Forward Momentum
It's 9 days till raceday and I'm already thinking about what I can do next.
Wait, wait, you say. Is this the same girl who has been awaiting this day with dread? Who has been waiting for the chance to buy a roadbike instead of a racebike so that she can just be done with all this mechanical crap? The same girl who hates swimming? She's actually wondering if she can do an IRONMAN!?!?!?!?
When will it end?? Just last night I had a minor meltdown about how I don't have an "off" button. I don't know the meaning of stop and it wears me down. Isn't this something I'll have to teach myself, by just STOPPING so that I can breathe?
NO! What kind of blog do you think this is? Who do you think I am? Someone who writes a whole stinking blog about running isn't the kind of person who will just transition it into one about cooking!
Now that the initial terror has worn off a bit, I'm convinced that I must own my own wetsuit so that I can participate in half iron mans (HIM) and work my way up to the full Ironman. What does an IM consist of?
Let me tell you:
2.4 mile swim
112 mile bike ride FOLLOWED BY
a MARATHON!!!!! 26.2 miles!
WHO WANTS TO DO IT WITH ME!?!?!?!?!
Wait, wait, you say. Is this the same girl who has been awaiting this day with dread? Who has been waiting for the chance to buy a roadbike instead of a racebike so that she can just be done with all this mechanical crap? The same girl who hates swimming? She's actually wondering if she can do an IRONMAN!?!?!?!?
When will it end?? Just last night I had a minor meltdown about how I don't have an "off" button. I don't know the meaning of stop and it wears me down. Isn't this something I'll have to teach myself, by just STOPPING so that I can breathe?
NO! What kind of blog do you think this is? Who do you think I am? Someone who writes a whole stinking blog about running isn't the kind of person who will just transition it into one about cooking!
Now that the initial terror has worn off a bit, I'm convinced that I must own my own wetsuit so that I can participate in half iron mans (HIM) and work my way up to the full Ironman. What does an IM consist of?
Let me tell you:
2.4 mile swim
112 mile bike ride FOLLOWED BY
a MARATHON!!!!! 26.2 miles!
WHO WANTS TO DO IT WITH ME!?!?!?!?!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Rant!
I'm starting to feel the pressure of last minute training. I don't really want to do anything but prepare for this race, but at the same time, everything around me is a hotbed of activity. Work has heated up for me and we have a company meeting next Thursday that's going to go until 10pm. I've been traveling for my job, meaning foreign cities and no time/place to train. Friends and family have been great at being here for me, but that also means that I feel pressure to actually spend time with them instead of blowing everyone off to train, which is what I really want to do.
That's right. I'm feeling incredibly anti-social and mean, even as I send out emails telling people to come cheer for me. That's selfish isn't it. But it doesn't seem fair that I can't train for this event that has come to mean so much to me. I just want everyone to stop telling me how much they want to see me until after 12pm on September 13th. I want to go to sleep at 9pm and get up at 5 and then train again after work. I don't want to go home to PA or to visit people in their own homes. I want to sleep in my own bed with my stupid cat who wakes me up in the middle of the night. I want to eat cereal and pasta and ignore meat. I want to eat GU every day because I'm working so hard.
I feel like I'm pretty social and friendly the rest of the year, so why can't I just have these next 10 days to do what I want to do? I'll tell you why. Because I'm too nice to tell anyone this in person. So I write it out in a lame blog.
That's right. I'm feeling incredibly anti-social and mean, even as I send out emails telling people to come cheer for me. That's selfish isn't it. But it doesn't seem fair that I can't train for this event that has come to mean so much to me. I just want everyone to stop telling me how much they want to see me until after 12pm on September 13th. I want to go to sleep at 9pm and get up at 5 and then train again after work. I don't want to go home to PA or to visit people in their own homes. I want to sleep in my own bed with my stupid cat who wakes me up in the middle of the night. I want to eat cereal and pasta and ignore meat. I want to eat GU every day because I'm working so hard.
I feel like I'm pretty social and friendly the rest of the year, so why can't I just have these next 10 days to do what I want to do? I'll tell you why. Because I'm too nice to tell anyone this in person. So I write it out in a lame blog.
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